So now that I've had a ton of other beings working on my blog for me while I was *ahem* preoccupied, I have to return to make this one last post summarizing all the cool stuff they said. *ahem* Here I go...

So I heard rumors of bad stuff going down in Thebes, people were insulting my mother's honor! They said that she never really made love to Zeus and that the whole reason she was struck down by lightning was because she lied about it. Now I can't let my dear mother's name be tarnished along with my own, because of these rumors they didn't consider me a real god at all and Pentheus forbid the people of Thebes from praising me as a god. Psh what a buttface amirite? So I went to Thebes and called for people to come to Mt. Cithaeron, and many maenads showed up (including my aunts Agaue, Autonoe, and Ino  ). Now Pentheus, returning to his palace, found Tiresias and Cadmus there, dressed in Bacchic robes of fawnskin and crowns of ivy, they were planning on going to Mr. Cithaeron to praise me. Pentheus was angry, he didn't believe in divine madness the idiot, he thought my maenads were just using me as an excuse to get drunk, be reckless, and sleep around, not that there's anything wrong with that at all but try tellin' Pentheus that... Anyways I was leading the maenads in a mortal guise and so Pentheus heard I was the leader and was encouraging Bacchic worship. He had me captured (I actually just let myself be captured) and locked up. So then he brought out the torture, this dude is a freak, but as I'm a god I evaded it every time. He tried to tie me, ended up tying a bull, he tried to stab me, he stabs a shadow, etc etc. So I'm sick and tired of this and make an earthquake and a fire. Pentheus is really freaked out and left weak and helpless. I try to convince him to just let people worship me, I mean Dionysus (human guise remember?) but he's stubborn as ever. Thank goodness at that moment a cowherd appeared and he told us that my maenads ripped apart his whole herd in their madness. Pentheus is (weirdly) excited by the story, and noticing this I offer to let him see the maenads up close. You know he was thinking of just sending soldiers but his overwhelming curiosity got the better of him, he took up my offer. So I dressed Pentheus in a wig and women's clothing (he looked like a fool with his beard) but he thought he looked nice, vain one isn't he? So anyways I placed him on a bent tree and let it up straight. As soon as it was up my maenads saw him, I turned back into my divine form and ordered them to kill Pentheus (nothing personal it's just business y'know?) So they started pulling all his limbs, including his mom LMAO. They ended up ripping his limbs and head off haha and I tricked Agaue, his mother, into thinking his head was the head of a lion, she returned to the castle boasting of her brave kill. Cadmus saw what the head really was and brought Agaue's mind back to reality. She was devastated and started crying and shiz. So I appear in my true form, I banish Agaue and say that Cadmus and his wife will turn into snakes and invade Greek lands with a horde of vikings. Aaaaand now I'm praised in Thebes THE END.